


Picking Up the Pieces

by marvelousfvcks



Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: F/M, Heavy Angst
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-03-27
Updated: 2017-03-27
Packaged: 2018-10-11 20:56:28
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,688
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10474260
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/marvelousfvcks/pseuds/marvelousfvcks
Summary: Based on Paloma Faith’s song ‘Picking Up the Pieces.’ Steve just can’t seem to see what’s right in front of him, the question is how long do you stay by his side?





	

> **I watch you cry  
>  But you don’t see that I’m the one by your side  
> ‘Cause she’s gone  
> In her shadow is it me you see? **

Loving Steve Rogers was never easy; you were team mates, there were times when there was too close a call on missions and you couldn’t focus on anything but him. You lived with not only each other but with the other Avengers too, meaning you were subject to their relentless teasing on more than one occasion. And of course, there was the main heart ache of loving Steve Rogers – he didn’t love you.

You and Steve had been best friends since you joined the Avengers, you were each other’s pillars of support and you trusted each other completely. It was easy to just _be_ around Steve and you spent so much time together that it became a rare sight to see you apart. Then one day it changed - or you did you weren’t quite sure - his easy smiles gave you butterflies and the way he bit his bottom lip had your mouth going dry. You spent less time watching the screen on movie nights and more time studying him; the way his eyes crinkled in the corners as he laughed, the sparkle in his blue eyes as he relaxed, the warmth his body emitted as you were wrapped up together under the blanket. You don’t know exactly how or when it happened but you came to the startling realisation that you fell in love with your best friend.

Your emotional development did not go unnoticed by the others but they assumed it was just a crush, teasing you until your cheeks turned red and you could feel the burn of embarrassment flush your face. You were just lucky they never actually did it front of Steve, you’d never be able to formulate a plausible excuse without stuttering like a fool. Although the others only though of your feelings as a sill school-girl crush on the Captain, nothing could fool Natasha, and she started to become genuinely concerned for you fearing it would end it heartbreak. More specifically, yours. Nat was like an older sister to you and to say she was protective was an understatement.

“Y/N, I just think you should tell him about your feelings. If he feels the same then great, maybe you can make it work and if he doesn’t then at least you can move on,” She told you, concern laced in her tone as her hand rested on your knee in a comforting gesture. You appreciated what she was doing and you knew she had a point, but you were just too scared. Steve wasn’t just some guy you were in love with, he was your best friend, what if got too awkward and he stopped being your friend? You just weren’t sure you could cope with that.

It was two weeks later when you wished more than anything that you’d taken Nat’s advice. Steve had a date. Casey Jenkins was a lower level SHEILD agent and was completely stunning, with big eyes, plump lips and figure that could kill. She was the epitome of beauty and you felt insignificant in comparison but if Steve was happy then you weren’t going to get in the way of it. You loved him too much to do that, Steve deserved a happy ending.

Then you noticed it, Casey was not the kind of girl for Steve; she was shallow, like to go to eccentric parties all the time, and you were positive she was using Steve for his Captain America status. But Steve was like a love-sick puppy, dotting on her every chance he got, bending over backwards to make sure she was happy regardless of how ridiculous her demands were. The more their relationship progressed the less you saw of Steve and in a few simple months you felt like a complete stranger to him. You tried to fill the gap Steve had left in your life, you weren’t one to sit around and wallow in self-pity and you spent more and more time with Natasha and Wanda. You loved them to death and they would always be down to spend time with you but they just weren’t Steve. You were starting think he was irreplaceable and that thought had your heart twisting and tears forming in your eyes. Still, you persevered and soon adjusted to a life without Steve Rogers.

Six months after Steve and Casey started dating, all the Avengers (minus Steve of course, you all hardly saw him anymore except for training and missions) were gathered around the large TV watching a movie. You were squeezed between Nat and Wanda, Bucky and Sam were on the coach across from you, Tony was reclined in his chair and Clint was in a nest of blankets on the floor by Nat’s feet. The sweet smell of popcorn filled the air and you were all happily relaxing, easy conversations flowing amongst you as you unwound from another stressful day. The serenity was soon disrupted however when the elevator doors opened and Steve came storming in, his brow furrowed in anger and his jaw locked in rage.

You all exchanged concerned glances with each other before Tony spoke up, “Hey Capsicle, what’s eatin’ at ya?”

Steve froze on the spot, slowly turning towards Tony and you could all feel the tension in the room spike. “Stark do me a favour and shut the fuck up,” Steve was practically growling, baring his teeth as he snarled at Tony as you looked at him shocked. You’d seen Steve mad before - of course you had - tensions rose all the time with this job but you’d never seen him like this, you were sure that if he was provoked any further he could kill someone; he was livid. You all remained silent, eyes wide and avoiding Steve’s death glare as he continued out of the room, the relaxed atmosphere completely destroyed with his outburst.

“What’s his deal?” Clint asked when he was certain Steve was out of hearing range. You glanced towards the door Steve had just walked through as the others discussed what could the possible source of Steve’s sudden anger.

The next few days Steve spent holed up in his room, only coming out to use the gym and heaven forbid he ran into anyone, no one was safe from his anger and he lashed out at anything that moved; even Bucky had fell victim to one of Steve’s malicious attacks. You decided enough was enough, it was clear that Steve was hurting in some way and given that he hadn’t seen Casey since he came back you figured it had something to do with her. Willing your nerves to settle you made your way over to Steve’s room, taking a few deep breathes to try and stop your pounding heart as you hesitantly knocked on the door.

“What?” Steve’s voice was harsh but you could still here it clearly and you were glad the door was closed so he couldn’t see the way you flinched at his tone.

“Steve, it’s me open the door, I need to talk to you,” You were proud that your anxiety didn’t seep into your voice, making you sound far braver than you felt. The door opened a moment later, Steve filling the door way with his brooding figure as he stared down at you with a raised eyebrow, irritation clear on his face.

“What?” He repeated and you decidedly had enough of his attitude, whatever was bugging him wasn’t yours or anybody else’s fault and he had no right to take it on you all.

You sighed, crossing your arms across your chest as you mirrored his exasperated expression, raising your brow in a challenge; “May I please come in?”

Steve stared at you a moment longer before relenting, moving to the side to allow you into his room and shutting the door after you. Once inside your sudden rush of confidence began to fade, and you clasped your hands in front you, fingers twiddling together in a nervous habit. Looking at him you saw what you’d been missing this past few days, his face may have been set in frustration but his eyes clearly showed his hurt. You felt your heart break at the sight of Steve looking so pained and you slowly closed the distance between you, hand reaching out to cup his cheek as he closed his eyes at the contact, nuzzling his head into your head like he was craving human intimacy. When he reopened his eyes, you could see the tears threatening to brim over and stain his cheeks and you struggled to find your voice, you’d never seen Steve looked so lost.

“Steve, what happened?” You murmured, not wanting to break the fragile quiet that blanketed you both.

“Casey uh, she decided she didn’t want to do this anymore-” He choked out “-the whole Avenger thing was too much for her or something, I don’t know. Anyone she’s moved on, got some new fella from wall street. Only took her an hour to move on.” Steve’s bitterness seeped into his words and your mouth fell open in shock, eyes widening as you processed what he told you.

_Casey and Steve broke up. She left him because he was Captain America. She broke his damn heart._

You quickly wrapped your arms around Steve, pulling him towards you in a bone-crushing hug as you whispered sweet words into his ear feeling the tell-tale wetness of tears dampening your shoulder as Steve finally let everything he’d been bottling in out. Sobs wracked his body and you could only cling on to him tighter to comfort him. It was strange seeing someone like Steve, the epitome of strength, look so damaged – so broken – but you knew better than most that under the Captain America mask, the super solider appearance, Steve Rogers was still that small Brooklyn kid at heart and he could be hurt easier than most.

You stayed with Steve the rest of the night, listening to him vent about his feelings, he really needed to get it off his chest and when he was done you comforted him the best you could before moving on to talk about the mundane, not letting him dwell on the break-up, a distraction he was extremely grateful for. By the time, you finished talking it was 2am and you decided you both needed to get some sleep and promised to see him tomorrow morning at breakfast. Steve walked you to the door, a completely unnecessary act but chivalrous nonetheless, and gave you a tight up as you said goodnight to each other. It was then you remembered how much you missed Steve; the feel of his strong arms wrapped around you, the way he nestled his head on top of yours, his scent of pinewood and coffee, you just missed _Steve._

You left him with a soft smile on your face, feeling better than you did in months only to run into Nat who had watched the whole exchange in the doorway with crossed arms and a concerned expression. She looked like a mother who had just caught her child sneaking back into the house after breaking curfew and you were starting to feel like one under her unwavering stare. You fidgeted on the spot, knowing exactly what she was going to say and dreading it anyway. She merely raised a brow at you: “Just be careful Y/N,” and then she was walking away.

You pushed Nat’s concern to the back of your mind, too giddy on the fact that you had Steve back and even though he was hurting now, you knew that Casey wasn’t right for him. Even if you didn’t end up with Steve, you’d hope he’d find a better match for himself than Casey. The next few weeks saw a definite improvement in Steve; he wasn’t nearly as vicious with the rest of the team, he spent less time alone in his room and more time socialising with the others, and he was genuinely smiling. A sight you had sorely missed. Steve spent more and more time with you, confiding in you when he felt down and generally seeking you out to spent time with you. You felt your heart swell when you realised Steve wanted to see you more than any of the others, and you couldn’t help the spark of hope that it ignited.

In a few months, it was like before Casey had ever had a place in Steve’s life, he was your best friend again and you two were hardly apart. He went back to the Steve you all knew and loved, the pain of his break-up healed and his heart mended. This time however, you couldn’t ignore your feelings for him anymore and you were determined to do something about it before it was too late. Again.

Steve had just left the gym and you were set on asking him on a date before the day was over, you made your way to his room, trying to calm your quivering nerves. You couldn’t help but remember how similar it felt to when you were knocking on Steve’s door all those months ago, after he first broke up, but this somehow felt more detrimental. This could potential ruin your friendship but you had to try.

Knocking on the door, you were relieved when Steve called out to come in, if you had to come back to do this again you were sure you’d lose your nerve. Opening the door, you were about to speak when you saw Steve dressed up in jeans and a shirt, slipping on his leather jacket and searching for his wallet and keys. To say you were confused was an understatement, you were certain he was free tonight, which was why you were planning on asking him out. What bewildered you the most was the dopey smile he couldn’t seem to stop showing on his face.

“Hey Y/N,” Steve was practically beaming and a sense of wariness was beginning to grow in you.

“Uh- Hey Steve, are you going somewhere?” You asked, voice betraying how uncertain you felt.

Steve chuckled softly, “Yeah, actually Caley just called, she wants to meet up. I think we can really work this out you know? Get back what we had and move forward together.”

Steve couldn’t stop grinning but you could only sit numbly on the edge of his bed as he flittered around the room getting ready. _Get back together? What?_

You felt all the hope you’d build over the last few months quickly vanish from you and tears began to sting the corners of your eyes. Taking a deep breath, you willed them away, trying to keep strong in front of Steve. You were so trapped in your own mind you almost missed what Steve was saying to you, “Y/N, isn’t this great?”

“No.” The word was out of your mouth before you could stop it and your whole body tensed at the realisation of what just happened.

Steve turned to you puzzled, “No? What do you mean no?”

_Oh well, cats out of the bag. No turning back now._

You took a deep breath, mentally preparing yourself for what was going to happen before you opened the floodgates. You knew that once you started explaining this to Steve there would be no turning back and by the slight anger in his eyes at your lack of encouragement you were aware you were potentially going to lose your best friend.

“I mean Steve, that Casey doesn’t love you. She’s using you for your ‘Captain America’ status and what that can bring her, it’s why she moved on to the Wall Street guy a little more than an hour after you broke up. She doesn’t love Steve Rogers, she doesn’t love anything. The closest she is to loving you is when she loves the materialistic crap you give her.”

You had no idea where this was coming from but you knew Steve wasn’t happy, far too deluded and infatuated with Casey. His jaw clenched as he tried to control his anger but you saw the signs all too well.

“What the hell do you know Y/N? I don’t even know why I asked you, when’s the last time you were even in a relationship?”

_Ouch, low-blow Steve._

You couldn’t stop yourself, leaping from the bed to pace around the room in front of Steve, hands tugging at your hair as you let out months of repressed emotions.

“What do I know?! I’ll tell you Steve; I know girls like Casey and I know idiots like you. She’ll use you tonight because she probably want’s a slice of the good life you can give her but come morning she’ll kick you to the curb just like she did 3 months ago, and you’ll be the love stuck idiot too blind to see what’s in front of them. Instead you’ll go around chasing a girl that wants absolutely nothing good for you and you’ll give her everything you have only to get nothing but heart break in return! That’s what I know Steve.”

You felt hot tears spill down your cheeks, leaving a burning trail in their wake and you rubbed them away with the sleeves of your shirt, watching as Steve seemed get even more angered by your words.

“Oh right, and how do you know what’s good for me huh? What makes you think you know so much about me that you know what’s good for me?” Steve stood before you, face an inch from yours as he blazing blue eyes stared you down.

You felt your frustration building and the words tore from your throat without a second thought; “BECAUSE I LOVE YOU!”

Steve stepped away from you at those words like he was physically pushed, not the reaction you wanted.

“So what? This is jealousy? You don’t want me to get back together with Casey because you’re jealous of her?”

_Oh wow._

All your fight seemed to drain from you at those words and you knew then and there that Steve didn’t love you back. Your body slumped at you look completely defeated, eyes dull as you stared up at him. “No Steve I’m not jealous, sure it hurts but honestly if you were with someone that actually made you happy I wouldn’t have any problems.”

“Right, sure,” Steve rolled his eyes and you let out a humourless chuckle, blinking away the tears in your eyes.

“Steve, believe it or not I love you and I don’t like seeing you hurt, I was here for you the last time she did this but if you leave tonight then I won’t be here for you again. I need to start putting myself above you considering you’re never going to,” Your voice was hopeful, practically begging Steve not to do this to himself. Of course, he was too far gone to care.

“I never asked you to do that Y/N.”

You thought you knew heartbreak, you thought that those weeks where you didn’t see Steve and the ache in your chest that never seemed to subside was what it felt to be broken by your lover. How wrong you were. The tightness in your chest was making it hard for you to breathe and you knew you had to leave soon or risk breaking down on Steve’s floor. At this point you were certain he wouldn’t over you any comfort. This wasn’t your best friend and this certainly wasn’t the man you fell in love with; you never once thought Steve would ever be so cold towards you.

Willing your numb legs to move you managed to make it to the door, pausing to turn to Steve who was watching you with a blank expression, “Steve, when she does kick you aside tomorrow, don’t come to me. I’m not gonna help you again, you’re on your own.”

And with that you walked out of Steve Roger’s room and his life. You headed straight to Nat’s room without even realising it, the door opening to reveal the infamous assassin, she took one look at your dishevelled appearance and tear stained cheeks and knew exactly what had happened, wrapping her arms around you and steering you into her room. She spent the rest of the night stroking up and down your back in an attempt to soothe you as you wept onto her chest until you fell into a dreamless sleep.

The next morning, you made a promise to Nat to avoid Steve as much as possible and to focus on you. She was a good friend and you should have taken her advice sooner, she had you best interests at heart and you couldn’t thank her enough for looking out for you when you couldn’t do it yourself. She sent you a smile over the cup of her coffee and you sent her one in return, sure things were going to be tough but you’d get through it. You had to.

A sense of déjà vu filled the room as once again the elevator doors opened and in stormed Steve. Only this time along with his enraged expression he looked ashamed, slowing as he approached the table you were all sat at and staring at you as he passed. You looked up, meeting his eyes before making a point to look back down at your breakfast. You saw his shoulders drop in the corner of your eye but paid it no mind. No one mentioned the exchange once Steve left the room but you were sure they were all aware of what was going on, Nat leaned across the table giving your hand a slight squeeze for reassurance and the conversation went on as if nothing happened.

This time Steve Rogers was going to have to get over his heartbreak alone. Just like you. But you were starting to understand you were alone all along; he had never loved you.


End file.
